Why?

So today I went over to my dad’s for the second time in the last two days. I have been in Michigan for well over a week now and my dad has only called me once. Then when I was getting ready to leave he just broke down and started crying. I don’t see dad cry very often so it got to me too. It just bothers me to know that he waits until the very last second to realize that I am going away for a few years and I might not be able to see him for a long time. This is going to be the longest that my dad has ever gone without my seeing me. Every time I see him all I can think about is the song “Cats and the Cradle.” It just tells me that dad was never there for me and now that I am grown up he wants to spend all this time with me. But now I don’t have all the time in the world so it seems like I am doing the same thing to him that he always did to me. It sucks though because I work hard to be the best man and father that mine never was. Granted he has gotten a lot better since I was a kid but he has a lot way to go before he gets to the level that I am. I guess is all breaks down to the fact that he realizes that he wasn’t the best father in the world and now he is trying to make things up to me but it is a little to late for that now. It just sucks that I have to say goodbye to my family every time I come home knowing that I don’t know when I will see them again if ever.

I wish that I could tell my dad exactly what I feel when I feel it. It just seems that I have to sensor my thoughts with him, especially when it comes to my stepmom. She is just horrible. We went to Brocks little league game and she acted like that kind of person that would charge the mound or the umpire if something didn’t go just the way that she wanted it to. I find it sad that even eight and nine year olds can’t play baseball and have a good time without having a parent breathe down they’re throats all the time.